Condition Indigo, etc.

March 22, 2006 -- Galapagos, Brooklyn
I was a little disoriented when I walked into the room and was greeted by six or so women on stage dressed in bikinis and wearing brightly colored wigs. I say six or so because I did not bother to take an exact count, it was all a little too weird for me. They had costume changes to augment the fact that their backing band was a cd player emitting strange midi tunes. I believe the name of the act was Witches in Bikinis, although I could be wrong. I was wondering what sort of people would put on a show like this, are they musicians, are they actors, are artists? All of the above? None? Since I had little to no interest in doing the research necessary to discover such details, we will all have to remain in the dark for the time being. My favorite part of the evening had to be the static trapeze act, the whole reason we agreed to do the show in the first place. The act consisted of two women on a stationary trapeze doing all sorts of crazy acrobatics. It is really the sort of thing you have to see, I suppose. Suffice it to say, it was awesome. Then we went to set up. The thing about the stage in the front room at Galapagos is that it has a curtain, presumably because they do theater there. So the curtain opened (giving us our grand entrance) and we proceeded to clear out about half the room. I have to say, only half isn't too bad. And you can't completely blame us, it was after midnight on a wednesday. Much to our surprise, we had a cheering section up front. I say we were surprised because the only people in the room we knew were the promoters and Kevin's girlfriend (hi Laura). We started playing If You Wanna Be Happy but I got bored during Kevin's drum solo so I knocked him over and we played Fly Me To The Moon. Kevin somehow managed to stuff himself into his bass drum (we did need the sound dampened, I guess) and we finished the set with me playing Kevin's feet and him mumbling something or another. At the end of the night one of the people up front came up and started chatting with me, and as it happened it was one of the women on the trapeze earlier. I suppose our target audience always ends up being the people in the other bands. But we did strike a deal, in that we agreed to perform together, share a stage, back each other up, etc. So perhaps if you are lucky, sometime soon you too can see two women slithering over a trapeze suspended from something or another whilst Kevin and I beat each other senseless with drumsticks.

Do you ever get the feeling you're being taken for granted? Come see Puttin' On The Ritz again for the first time, or else, etc.

Forgive Our Sins, etc.

Dear POTR fans (To the accidental tourist: hello. You might not know us yet, but I guarantee an increase in productivity if not sheer joy should you choose to continue reading. Actually, that applies to the lost of you.),

It appears that both Kevin and myself have been very, very remiss in updating this site. I would not attribute this to a waning interest on our part, quite the opposite in fact. We are more excited about Puttin' On The Ritz than ever, if that is even possible. It probably isn't. Did you know that infinity isn't even a number? That is to say, you can never count to it. So I suppose it is possible, upon further review, for us to more excited than ever about Puttin' On The Ritz, as one can never be infinitely excited about anything, infinity not even being a number. That answered my question. Why then, you ask, are we not engaging you in conversation? Perhaps it is because we would like you to converse with us live in person, rather than via keyboards and monitors and the whatnot. We are flesh and blood, whatever Kevin might say to the contrary. He was, I believe, quite drunk when he said those things. Never mind what things. The point is this -- why read about the gospel when you can come witness it for yourself? I suppose if you must live vicariously through my words and shoddy memory, then so be it. I will admonish you no more, but I will admit that I was not witholding anything, I just couldn't find the words. It happens to the best of us, please forgive me.

March 3, 2006 -- Our Lady Of Consolation Church Rec Center, Brooklyn
We had been looking forward to this show for some time, as we were to be performing with Harry and the Potters. Something about playing to underage girls was intriguing, although I'm still not sure what. Actually, strike that. What is intriguing about them is that they love the shit out of Kevin Shea, apparently. I mean, what 16 year old girl wouldn't? He sure is dreamy. At least one girl thought so, who kept screaming about being a hot asian girl and pointing to herself. She had braces and was wearing a pink hoodie with cat ears. Kevin was, needless to say, quite flattered. The question is, would Kevin Shea do the unthinkable? Luckily for us, Kevin has a girlfriend, and thus we will never have to know the truth, horrible or otherwise. Everytime I heard him telling the story she got younger and younger as well, stemming from a penchant he has for telling taller and taller tales. I think by the time he was telling his girlfriend, she was 12. I would like to take a moment and state for the record that I am in no way trying to ridicule or otherwise demean this girl. The truth is, Kevin is smart, handsome, and talented. In short, quite a catch. Laura is a lucky woman, although I think it might be more fair to say that Kevin is a lucky man. I have met the man and although he is all those things he is also pretty high maintenance. Did you know, for instance, that on some days all he eats is yogurt? The man has a finicky digestive system, among other things. I certainly am no saint, but at least my small intestine can successfully break down most foods into the various particles that either go back up, or in the case of the less useful bits, all the way down. Despite our obvious differences, somehow we manage to get along well enough to play some of the best damn music this city has ever seen. We you there that night, you were privy to the proof being in fact, in the pudding. Or yogurt, or whatever. For instance, I asked god to damn the girl from Ipanema whilst on stage in a church. Blasphemy? I was made aware of my lack of tact, to which I admitted to being a Jew. What was I greeted with? Mostly silence. Awkward silence. Lucky for us, that's our favorite kind.

March 3, 2006 -- Our Lady Of Consolation Church Rec Center, Brooklyn
We were asked to open and close the night. Our second set, as is generally the case, involved quite a bit more alcohol in our bloodstream than the first. Perhaps everyone had tired, perhaps they'd yelled themselves hoarse at Kevin earlier, perhaps seeing Harry and the Potters had made their lives complete, perhaps whatever, most people did not stick around for this, our arguably better, set. I say arguably because I don't really remember, which is either really good or really bad. I do recall slowly dragging myself (on my back, no less) along the ground whilst screaming some gibberish about skibbety something or another. It was a request, after all. I will admit that we've started taking requests, but only if you request a song we know. We do not take requests for songs we are unfamiliar with, for reasons that I think would be obvious. It certainly doesn't stop people from making such requests.

As mentioned earlier, we would love to see your smiling faces live and in person. Should you be reading this the week beginning March 19, 2006, you are in luck should you have any interest in seeing us live and in person as well. We are performing with trapeze artists and other assorted weirdness at Galapagos on March 22. We are performing with Love of Diagrams, Cortina, Necking, and Grey Daturas at Glasshouse on March 23. We are playing with Direct From Hollywood Cemetary, Partyline, Cortina, Panther, and Shellshag at Cakeshop on March 25. I know you're supposed to love all your children the same, so I won't tell you which I would attend if I could only choose one. Why choose? Come to all three, etc.