Puttin' On The Ritz

More sophisticated by the second, etc.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Brown Moles, etc.

December 10, 2004 -- Free 103.9, Brooklyn
Warren and I rolled over to see the closing party of something I don't really know all the details about. I do know that Tianna was mostly responsible for it, and she is leaving town shortly. I wanted to pay my respects, so to speak. I worry about Tianna sometimes, and I want to make sure she feels loved. Apparently Kevin feels similarly, as he showed up completely independently, and quite drunk to boot. He started screaming about how we were going to play a set. It didn't sound like the worst idea I'd ever heard, so I agreed. The only thing in the room resembling a drum was a pot. It wasn't even a very big pot. We were going to start playing when we were informed by the DJ that he had to play a Boston song first. As soon as the song started I realized that I had some serious business to attend to. Thus, as the song came to an end (and we were to begin playing), I found myself taking a pretty serious shit. Kevin was yelling into the mic about how I should turn up, and I was yelling back at him through the door that I was sort of in the middle of something. I tried to get him to bring a microphone into the bathroom so I could sing whilst I was, well, expelling waste. He did not seem to understand, so he continued rambling until someone put another song on. I knew I had to make some sort of grand entrance, and moreover I wasn't wearing our usual uniform. So I quickly washed my hands and removed my shirt before running up to the front of the room and grabbing the microphone. I announced that this was to be the best Puttin' On The Ritz set ever, and did my best to make it so. It certainly was the least planned set, and that is sort of saying quite a bit. Kevin was playing a small pot with his hands and I was screaming and rolling around with my shirt off. Please note that we opened with "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", despite the fact that it is Hannukah. About 75% of the people who might have watched us had wandered away whilst I was indisposed. What do we care? It's not like we were getting paid or were even asked to play. So we played two songs and decided to call it a night, or so we thought. Laura and Hannah were downstairs for our abbreviated set, and when they came back in they demanded that we play another one. We consented, although I left my shirt on for number two this time. I did make sure to become tangled up with Hannah on the floor whilst screaming "But Not For Me", as it seemed like a good idea at the time. She kept trying to stand up, although I can't say I was that interested in letting her. We quickly segued into "Strangers in the Night", which left me without much of a voice because I apparently screamed extensively. Alas. We five then went downstairs to continue drinking and discuss classic literature and Kevin's love life. I wore a funny scarf and Hannah complained about our fake failing marriage. Kevin tried to be serious but was too drunk to really be convincing. I was, of course, as charming as always. Don't you forget it, bitch.

I am so fucking tired right now. If you examine the hour at which this was posted, you might see why. It has been some sort of long, strange trip, or something to that effect anyway. It is well after 5am. Do you know where Kevin Shea is? I hope someone does, as there is still work to be done. Err, yeah.


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