Puttin' On The Ritz

More sophisticated by the second, etc.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Natural Log, etc.

July 20, 2005 – Glasshouse, Brooklyn
Most of my memories of this show involve the room being unbearably hot. Hot! We shared the stage with our friends Nick Flanagan, Bent Outta Shape, Ill Ease, and 50 Million. We decided to use two drum kits again, which might have been ill advised because I was a little dizzy from the alcohol and the heat. Thus, I faired poorly on the drums. But then Sharp got up and played with us for a bit, which was probably fun but I can’t really remember. Most of the people who were there had left by the time we played, probably because it was so hot. Hot! I was sweating and then I rode my bicycle home and went to bed.

July 23, 2005 – Parking Lot in Long Island City, Queens
Todd outdid himself, booking something like 37 (to wit: Matt & Kim, Growing, Eloe Omoe, Parts & Labor, Aa, USAISAMONSTER, Free Blood, Japanther, Afrirampo and Lightning Bolt) bands to play all afternoon and evening. We were part of the second stage contingent, which also included Talibam and Necking.

1st set: We were going to perform around dusk, but then a little after 4pm Todd approached me and said that we had to play now. So, we set up and played in the blazing sun. What was nice was that the 7 train could be seen going behind us, I imagine it was quite scenic but I was facing the other way so I couldn’t really tell. I had drained a few beers in a very short amount of time in an attempt to ready myself for this performance, which may or may not have worked. I believe we played quite well, in fact I think we gave our most spirited performance of Rainbow Connection to date. Much to our surprise, people watched the whole set and didn’t throw too many things at us. I had the foresight to apply plenty of sunscreen before I left the house, which probably aided me in not receiving a terrible sunburn. So yes, we had a blast. Playing outside in the afternoon whilst drinking beer is pretty much always a good time. People kept coming up to me and commending me on our performance, total strangers even! I think Kevin even managed to offend one of them, which might not have been the best idea as we sort of need all the support we can get. Thanks, Kevin.

2nd set: When Todd asked us to play early he said that we could also play late if we wanted. We decided that yes, we wanted. So we played again in the dark, with the 7 train still running behind us and occasionally drowning us out. This time there were a few more projectiles, although I don’t think any of them were really on target. It was nice to get to play live in the round, as there were people forming some sort of circle around us. We usually do not command that sort of audience appreciation, so we did our best to keep them entertained. I was standing on top of a large amplifier but managed not to fall off and hurt myself. I had been drinking for at least five hours straight by that point, which made that no small feat. People made requests which we totally ignored, mostly because they were requesting songs we had played in our first set and we weren’t interested in repeating ourselves. I ripped Kevin from the drums and launched into Fly me to the Moon, and Kevin retaliated by standing on them then kicking them over. Undaunted, I continued playing Kevin and the fallen drums. What fun we had! For some reason we are always surprised when people like us, maybe we’ve been hit in the head with too many beer cans at this point. I cannot tell. After the set some dude from Switzerland by way of Missoula or something like that was gushing to me about how great we were. Then some other dude came up and started harassing me about what the point of our bands is. What is the point of our band? Wouldn’t you like to know! What is the point of any band, what sort of message is any band trying to get across? I know we certainly are not making a living off this and probably will not be any time soon (unless we enter the Twilight Zone, which seems unlikely) so we better be having a good fucking time. It is all about the good time and all that jazz, etc. Actually, I can’t really tell what the point is anymore, I think I might have known once but it has been buried beneath gallons of bourbon and the occasional beer. Well, maybe a few more beers than that, but I think you know what I mean. Alcohol. If we needed an excuse to get drunk I could say that is the reason we play, but I am perfectly capable of getting drunk without being in a band. It certainly hasn’t gotten either of us laid, which is another famous reason for being in a band. In fact, this might be bad for our image (you know these things are very delicate), but Kevin and I have gone from being two bachelors to both having girlfriends so getting laid isn’t really a priority anymore (well, it is still a priority, but there is only one particular woman we are each trying to have sex with). But I don’t think either of us can point to this band as the reason we both found love, which should probably not come as a surprise to any of you. In any event, the answer is, the point of our band is because we love you. I should hope that satisfies your curiosity, etc. Actually, what was I talking about again? Do you know what the cube root of 27 is? I’ll give you a hint: it’s prime. Actually, that one was too easy. Why don’t you tell me what the logarithm of 1000 is? Or rather, tell yourself, because I already know. Toodles!


  • At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear fuckers! Way to fucking rule! Way to fucking break the ladies hearts with the girlfriends. Way to be the must drunk, most ridiculous band in new york. Way to be!

    Tina Ski,
    activities vice president of the POTR Fan Club, avid stickerbook collector


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