Puttin' On The Ritz

More sophisticated by the second, etc.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Yours, etc.

Friends and colleagues, readers and moonlighters -- hello. I owe each and every one of you an apology, it seems like you have all suffered through a long month without a single word of wisdom from us. I have been quite distracted as of late, I must admit. I do not care to share the details, but that is really neither here nor there. I am sure Kevin meant to say hello but he has relegated himself to the stone age for some reason, despite the lateness of the hour he is currently without internet access. He is a wholehearted participant in these discussions but he does not always have the time, time has not always worked in our favor. I know what time it is right now in several parts of the world, but I have long been a fan of mathematics. There is much to discuss, it would seem. We played some shows, etc.

June 27, 2005 -- Glasshouse, Brooklyn
Kevin actually showed up at a resonable hour! You have no idea how impressed I was. We had the sincere pleasure of playing with Birdbrain, Castles, and The Good Good. If you are unfamiliar with any of those bands, they all receive our stamp of approval, for what it's worth. Perhaps you do not look to us for musical recommendations, I have no idea who you look to for guidance. I am not currently in analysis so my grasp of such things is limited. I had decided a few days ago that there was a new song that I wanted to perform. Kevin had never heard it before, so I sang it to him about 15 minutes before we went on. We opened with it. I might have given Kevin some musical direction before we started, but I cannot recall. If I did, I also cannot recall whether he followed it or not. Man it was hot in that room! Kevin admitted to me once that I get him more drunk than any other human on the planet, that he has vomited more as a result of Puttin' On The Ritz shows than any other ailment. Remember that he has a sensitive stomach, my friends. Whilst I might be a bad influence on him occasionally, also keep in mind that I add an element of positivity that might also be lacking from his life. I am making no apologies; we are both grown men and can fend for ourselves. Although the details are a bit hazy I believe we played a good set and even managed to enjoy ourselves. I wish my memory of such things was more reliable, but you might all take heart in the fact that according to my bloodwork my liver is in tip-top shape. Apparently my heritage has disposed me to decomposing alcohol quite well. Thank the lord, or at least I would if I believed in such things. Fortune favors the bold, that is where I put my faith.

July 7, 2005 -- Tommy's Tavern, Brooklyn
For any number of reasons, we had not played at Tommy's in quite some time. Whatever the reasons, we played twice. Quite the international show, apparently. Love of Diagrams were kind enough to visit from Australia (I have a shared history with the drummer going back a number of years. I spoke to Monika before the show, and when she asked me how I'd been I responded "What, in the last six year? Up and down." How would you sum up the last six years of your life? If I had to hazard a guess I would say few of you would respond with "Awesome." Granted, it has been occasionally awesome. The glass is still half full, no matter what you believe. Retconned, Recompas, Hells Hills, and Necking all performed as well, much to our collective delight.

1st set: We played early in the front room and I was not nearly drunk enough. I mentioned being distracted earlier, I think it sort of affected my performance. It was a bit lackluster, I will admit. I do appreciate the fact that Marcy came out, she claims to read this thing extensively but then mostly fails to turn up. I did not expect her to be wearing braces on her teeth, but then again no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. I am glad that we kept it short because it was not quite as sweet as it could have been. I suppose I have always had a hard time faking it, I am a terrible actor and an even worse liar. I am really good at being vague and elusive, but at least you know when I'm being vague and elusive. I hope that is of some small comfort to you. After we finished I continued getting completely smashed, which I am convinced did not hurt our cause.

2nd set: We followed Necking, who set up two drum kits facing each other. Jason had actually suggested that we both play drums, and as I was feeling quite suggestable that evening we did. Casey and Todd were fucking with the effects on my vocals the whole time, which I commented on by exclaiming "My vocal sound weird." Karolina kept threatening to leave as she had to wake up early in the morning but was coaxed into staying by promises (threats?) of greatness. It is my opinion that we delivered, but I may or may not be biased. Kevin was pretty deadpan and refused to be goaded into singing very much, but we did do a pretty tender duet of Fly me to the Moon. At least I think we did. I think we took turns soloing together, if that makes any sense at all. My most vivid memory of the evening remains the taste of the microphone, which I had perhaps inadvisably stuck in my mouth during our grand finale. You may not know this, but it is hard to sing with a microphone in your mouth. Your voice tends to be muffled and it is quite challenging to enunciate. I would claim that we got a standing ovation, but there were no chairs and as I mentioned, the only thing I really remember is the taste of that goddamn microphone.

I am not sure if this is what I intended to write or what you expected to read, but I don't really care all that much. It is late and I'm drunk. In a few short hours I will be waking up for work and other things. This by no means constitutes an apology, we have nothing to be sorry for. Well, very little at any rate. It has been brought to our attention that there is an academic paper of sorts circulating that treats us as one of its subjects, I think it might the first thing I've had written about a band I was in since the Angel Assassins record got reviewed by my friend Charles in Maximum Rock and Roll. For those of you unfamiliar with such things, these events all transpired whilst I was 18 years old. That is to say that it was not recently, the year was 1997. I will not comment on it directly except to say that we have composed a formal rebuttal; it is available for your perusal in the pages of such publications as Candide, Tom Jones, and The Tokyo-Montana Express. Take that as you will, my friends. We remain here for you, as always. We might be tired and distracted but we are not dead. We do, above all, love you.

Puttin' On The Ritz


  • At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I honestly regret not being able to come to your shows most of the time, it's just unfortunate that most of the time, I hear about them 2 days or even 2 hours before they occur. So even if I am in the area at all, I'm generally doing something else I committed to doing a week or two beforehand. Or, it's at 2 am on a worknight, again without much warning and not at all near where I might happen to be...

    Hence I was able to go to this show, because not only did I know in advance, the time worked better. I'm good about going to KS and such shows because they post/email more in advance and have earlier times more often. Anyways, this isn't to criticize as I know a lot of this is out of your hands, it's more just to explain that I am very straightforward and you'll just have to trust me when I say I honestly do read this blog all the time, and am interested in seeing you play, etc. I'm going to Suzie's thing tommorrow, maybe I'll see you there. In any case, take care of yourself. I hope all the 'distraction' hasn't been of the negative variety. That would be sad indeed.

    As for the braces, I got them in April, my teeth have already moved around a good deal for the better. Apparently they're in a race with themselves or something. But hopefully it was more 'ah, braces, interesting' as opposed to 'braces, scary'. Either way, I've adjusted to them by considering them a joke of the Universe upon myself, and so I crack my own jokes about it. I guess someday just wants me regressing to junior high or similar.

    Ok this is uber-long but I also wanted to mention I looked at the whole dumb article and amongst the dumbness, I noticed the author of it attributed classic songs to you. As in, blamed you for writing the lyrics. What an incredible oaf. And s/he's judging the idiocy of others? Projection, anyone?

    If you want me to beat-down the author dirty jersey style, just say the word and provide coordinates to find him or her. I used to kick some major ass in my self-defense course. A lot of wrestling/choking moves mostly, but not just. It really should get used more often, I figure.

    I'll stop the epic novel now, but yeah, happy to attend. It was also fun making MST3K-style comments back and forth during the Gallery show. Normally I don't have anyone to talk to at those things, I feel a bit outsider with the various cool kids that invariably show up. Hence the book reading.

    -marcy (who else, my evil twin?)

  • At 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hmm, some people are very quick.


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